Weak.

Sometimes I wish I could just bury myself deep underground with the few things I love and just never come back up. Which annoys me. When did I become this weak, selfish, spoiled, fucked up little asshole? I just... Sometimes I've had enough too. I have limits of how much I can take, how many emotions I can take off of others shoulders.

Who's gonna help take mine?

That's stupid. I don't need anyone's help, I can handle everything myself. It's just emotions, nothing more.
At least that's what I usually think, but...

Today was such a good day too, why did I have to turn out this way. Fucking stupid.

Everything is fucking stupid, I'm fucking stupid and not to mention a god damn mess. I've just had enough, really. Don't think I can take a whole lot more of this.

Am I

really that little reliable? It feels like people are having a tough time all around me, but there's never anything I can do to help. It's so frustrating. And it's even worse when friends are horrible at lying (plus I totally can feel the atmosphere of the conversation) and they act strange, maybe they've shown signs of being depressed for along time, and you ask if they're okay. All you get in reply is "yeah I'm fine haha" or something like that.

Uhm, I now you're not. So why lie? I wouldn't have minded if the person said "no, but I don't want to talk about it" or "let's talk about something else hehe". But lying is really the worst thing I know, no matter the reason for it...

*internally screaming*

Fuck parents.

Can't wait to get out of here, oh my fucking goddamn god!

Uhh

Having one of those moments where I feel really empty and just need a hug.

Ugh I hate these small moments.

Fuck.

Sometimes parents are just literally fucked up in the head.

Like when they start shouting at you and get all angry because you made one joke; "Pff no you wont get my new phone number lol, but log on facebook and we'll see lolol".
I am seriously NOT in the mood for shitty attitudes at the moment. I slept about 30 minutes last night, and all I've gotten smashed in my face is either snotty remarks about how terrible I am, how retarded I am or just what I do wrong, or I get completely ignored.

Family is overrated at times. Fuck this shit.

Ahh.

Been a while since I updated any of my blogs, and I just felt like filling this blog with another post.

I have to say I feel better at times now, I still miss home, but I've pretty much accepted I wont live in Norway again in a long time. So that's pretty much out of the system.
Mood swings on the other hand, is something I've been more bothered with now. I don't know why, but for example; I've got a job, more or less, now. Mom and I don't argue as much, and I am being spoiled rotten at times (got tons of Pokemon stuff today). Yet, right now when I am writing this, I have this bump stuck deep in chest. As if I'm really unhappy and I don't know why.

Over thinking might be one reason. I've been thining a lot lately about stuff, well, pretty much anything. All the good stuff that's happened lately, and negative thoughts.
I've been making friends with some of my art idols, especially one of them, and that's making me very happy. We joke about things, we laugh a lot and I personally feel like she's someone I can talk with if I'm having a tough day. I've also gotten to know one of her friends a little, a girl who lives in England. So things are going good.

Yet there are times like now, where I feel like I am being a bother. Like I'm not supposed to talk to them when I do, or that when I do, I only say something incredible stupid or something which is not interesting at all. It's not like I have a reason to, I just get that feeling at times. It kinda sucks being stuck in this trail of thought.

The main thing which has gotten me quite down, however, is absolutely not because of Fia or Jess! Heck, they cheer me up without even knowing. <3
No, I've been thinking alot about my relationship with my girlfriend. It's like, we barely talk anymore and when we first do, it's a very short conversation about stuff I have no interest in. It's like we don't have common interests anymore, at least not many of them, and... Well, I don't know. We don't say any of the usual stuff like "love you" or anything, we don't seem like a couple at all.
I talked with mom about it a little and told her "it's not like anything particular has changed since we became a couple, we're the same dorks as ever" and she replied with "well, then what's the point of being a couple, if nothing has changed?" and it made me think.

I really, really love her with all I've got, but sometimes it doesn't feel like the feeling is mutual and it frightens me. A lot. And I don't even know who I can talk with about this without seeming nagging, stupid or what nots. I just don't know what to do about it, I never seem to get a timing to talk with Xei about it either..
I guess that's the main reason for my mood swings and I'm really at a loss of what to do.

Oh well, it doesn't matter I guess.

So..

Finally got it confimed mom thinks something is the matter with me.

Convo starts with "hey, I bought gum for you", then evolves to "you're lazy" and then ends with "you're retarded". Thanks mom, you're really cheerful.

Anyway, I'm sorry for bawing on this blog, thinking of deleting it, it just makes me look like an attention whore. xD